His daddy asked him out of genuine interest what happened that day. Not that he knew of anything specific but was simply interested in the general happenings. It wasn't a loaded question. It was a loving and interested question.
What he heard was his principal daddy asking for an explanation of an incident that occurred during school. He thought daddy already knew.
Daddy knew nothing of the 2min time-out that he endured during P.E. or the infraction that caused it.
While spilling his time-out story his eyes reddened and he bit his lip and cheek. Not a tear was allowed to escape but there was a storm behind his eyes. Why this stoicism?
I scooped him up into my arms. Had he carried this news on this shoulders all day hoping to not be asked about it? Guilt piling and weighing when he could have just brushed his shoulder off? Clearly it was in the forefront of his mind the way it spilled out when ever so slightly tipped.
I do care about his school behavior. There are expectations for that arena.
I care about his home more. Can he tell me the truth of his day even if there are parts that are hard for him to say? Can I help him shake those things off and put them in proper perspective? I intend for that to be the case but how?
I feel so grateful to have seen this glimpse into his inner life. A little peak into what it's like to be him. Able to see something he is not yet able to explain. A nameless hurt or fear that he carries.
May I speak some truth to that place in him? I remember something that I haven't thought of in forever. A small captured moment that says it all.
As I was laying beside him tucking him into bed, I pulled up a recording I have on my phone. It's his own tiny 3year old voice explaining how he loves all of us.
A phrase that he repeats, "I just love you." He smiles at the sound of his baby voice loosing big heart felt expressions.
I then whisper it to him. "I just love you. I won't love you less if you spend the whole day on time-out. I won't love you more if you make no mistakes. I just love you."
It wasn't earned and can't be lost. It just is. Fact.
I'll whisper it to him as I usher him into his line at the bell. I just love you.
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