What I wanted to be when I grew up? Teacher. I always knew. But in adolescence things can get a little foggy. At that time I wanted to grow up to have a high level of security clearance and access to classified information. I wanted to solve mysteries and fight crime. And by fight, I mean use my brain to find solutions not actually get all slap happy with criminal forces. Somewhere in our early twenties, my brother had a short but interesting stint as a private investigator. Yep, Little Brother PI.
I then came to him with let's say, a proposition. He could let me be his side kick and I would, you know, kick it...on the side.
So, I decided to be his think tank and help him solve mysteries. Still, no.
It was round about then that I just started asking questions about his day.
"Can't tell you that."
"Can't tell you that either, classified."
"Ok, what did you have for lunch then?"
"Look, you aren't going to get anything out of me."
"I didn't have breakfast."
"AHHHH, HA! See, I'm wearing you down! You are about to crack!"
I grew up to be a teacher. Most recently, kindergarten. Before you think I gave up on my high security clearance dream, let me remind you of a little thing called Cumulative Files. Those are permanent records baby. Bet you never got your hot hands on one of those, Little Brother PI. Who has access to classified information now?! I didn't just have access to that information; I added some of the information contained in those files. Including but not limited to age, school picture, and teacher's name. Boom! Just let that soak in for a second.
I also wore a little thing you might call a name tag, I might call a badge. Fighting crime? Around my neck, at all times, was a government issued whistle, and you can bet I knew how to wield it. Climbing up the slide instead of going down? Not on my watch! And I was watching. My eyes and ears were everywhere. I was head honcho to a band of deep cover secret agents, AKA tattle-tales. Ever heard of a time-out? I could hand those out at will.
That's right, I unraveled all kinds of mischief in my day. Aren't convinced that I ended up growing into a women of mystery and intrigue? Note that I also own a large pair of dark shades and some aviators, for when I need to change it up. On a particularly cold day, you might catch me in a coat that's trench-ish in nature. Deal with me, or don't if you're lucky.
It is ok to dream big. It is also ok to dream weird or unlikely.
This week I wrote my letter of resignation to the school district. I have been on leave to be home with my children for two and a half years, so nothing in my life actually changed after resigning my teaching position. Maybe something in me did. For some reason it was a big tearful moment. My dream was always to be a teacher and I love being a teacher. I still consider my self a teacher. I will likely find myself back in the classroom one day.
On the playground there is always a kid on the monkey bars crying because he is too scared to let go with his back hand so he can swing forward and grab the next bar. I feel like I just let go of that bar behind me and I am excited to swing forward and see what's next. I am settling into my decision to stay home and I am ready to continue to embrace this season in the life of my family.
Currently, I am at home caring for my boys. Still solving mysteries. Mostly, what's that smell and how do I get babies to sleep through the night? Definitely still teaching. Still dreaming. Still imagining, and re-imagining.
Thanks for reading.